Re-Centering
Happy Sunday, readers. Today’s post is dedicated to re-centering after a crazy busy week. I hope this can help you breathe and reset before the new week officially starts.
Sun - Fri of last week, I was on full-time Auntie duties to my nephews. Jared, a 17-year-old; Jeremiah, a 10-year-old; and Elijah, a 6-year-old. As you can probably imagine, the 6-year-old tried to run the show. Elijah was my alarm clock, my mealtime timer, and TV guide (only Mr. Beast or Roblox YT videos were allowed). Jeremiah needed constant activity so, if we were in the house he was rolling on the couch and the floor. Sometimes he ran laps around my apartment or wrestled with his brothers. It’s safe to say he got me outside of the apartment very often. He needed outdoor spaces to flip, roll, scream, etc. Jared was much more tame, but still engaged. He preferred to go out thrifting/shopping and using my mom’s MacBook. Jared needed opportunities to exercise his independence so, I let him drive my car to and from the store (He’s a great driver!). While we were in the store, he got to pick some things he wanted without his younger brothers chiming in and I could tell he enjoyed being in charge for a few moments.
Having nephews at 3 different ages, with 3 different interests/personalities really challenged me to find ways to keep all 3 of them occupied and content. Last week really was a whirlwind of activities and running around. From Sky Zone to Hilger Family Farm to thrifting to movie nights, Auntie is tired! I spent most of my Saturday catching up on my sleep. Today, is all about re-centering. I plan on doing a short meditation, writing some poetry, sipping some wine, and unwinding with some good RnB music. What helps you re-center?
*New Poem on the Poems Page*
Make Peace and Be Grateful
It’s easy to get caught up in the negativity of life and life’s circumstances. Especially when you have such a desire for something that just feels unattainable. Or maybe that “thing” just isn’t meant to be. Recently, I experienced a loss of hope after a disappointing confirmation that one of my dreams was not coming true. At least, not yet.
This past birthday, my dad shared a childhood photo of me in our family group chat. In the photo I was holding a baby doll in my lap and giving the baby a bottle. My sister and I laughed about how I seemingly raised all my kids already because I had a constant rotation of baby dolls that I cared for throughout my childhood years. I’ve always loved kids, even as a kid myself.
Fast forward to the births of my nephews. I was elated every single time at the opportunity to love on babies and help nurture them. Diaper changes, rocking to sleep, bottle feeding, etc. I was hands-on with my nephews. And I always have been. My sister’s kids are my heartbeat and I genuinely love them like they are my own kids.
My own kids. *Deep exhale* I can’t even explain the joy and excitement I feel when I think about being a mom someday. I’ve always wanted a “crew” of my own, 4 kids to be exact. But, I’ve never rushed the process or simply involved myself with someone for the sake of becoming pregnant. I knew I wanted a life partner, marriage, a 2-parent household for my future kids. And I believe God has now placed that person in my life. I also knew how important it was for me to be mentally and emotionally healthy, financially stable, and secure in my own being before having kids. So, I’ve spent years healing, saving, and obtaining overall well-being. Not just to be the healthiest mom I can be, but to be the healthiest ME I can be.
I sat on pins and needles for days on end contemplating if now was the time. My body was changing. Could I really be pregnant? I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high. There was a chance this could be a false alarm. But it felt like this was really happening. Until it didn’t.
And just like that, the possibility became an impossibility. I admit, I was a bit overzealous in my thinking. I was just plain optimistic and not cautiously so. I jumped into planning and preparing for a new little one without really preparing myself for what to do if I wasn’t pregnant. This whole experience has been humbling, for sure, and I’m still processing it through fully. And of course, following up with my doctor.
I’ve decided to make peace with this and continue on with gratitude. God has blessed me abundantly and I have a lot to be grateful for. I can never say it enough, Thank God for therapy. I am so much healthier because of it. I know what is meant for me, will happen when it is meant to happen.
Live life with an attitude of gratitude.
New poem on the Poems page.
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson, @gabriellefaithhenderson
What is Sensual/Erotic Poetry?
Sensual Poetry: poetry that refers to what is experienced through the senses in a favorable or literal way.
Erotic Poetry: poetry that deals with transcendence and can titillate, turn on, and engage the imagination of the reader.
This is an art form that is so deeply personal and extremely hard to do well. Not only are you creating sights, smells, feelings, etc. for your readers/audience, you are also doing so with finesse. I use sexual language in my sensual/erotic poetry but most of the time I challenge myself to use metaphors for sexual experiences. Sometimes, I don’t allow myself to use explicit sexual words at all. That, to me, is the poetry piece of sensual/erotic poetry. Anyone can write explicit sexual material, but not many can do so with tact and craft.
Now, let’s add another layer: Visuals. I love this part of sensual/erotic poetry because you have to be so connected to and comfortable in your body to create visuals for this type of poetry. As a sexual assault survivor, this is incredibly empowering for me! My body is mine. I show as much, or as little, of it as I want to illustrate my poetry. An example of this is when I created my mini series of sensual/erotic poetry Body in Bloom (pictured to the right) using fresh flowers. I was completely naked behind the flowers and I chose how much skin I wanted to show. It depended on the image I wanted to create and how much I wanted to activate the readers/audience’s imagination. Creativity is key!
Last layer I want to add: Performance. The tone and volume of your voice, pace of reading, emphasis on certain words, intentional pauses, etc. are HUGE to performing sensual/erotic poetry well. My goal is to always create a vibe. I envision sensual/erotic settings like candlelight dinners and strawberries & whipped cream to help me lean into a sexy delivery. If I’m performing with a mic, I might use my body to create imagery for my audience. Slide my hands across my curves, run my fingers through my hair, etc. It really is an exhilarating art form.
Lean into your sensual/erotic side this weekend ;)
*New poem on the Poems page*
PRIDE: Celebrating My Truth
As Pride Month comes to a close, I just want to reflect on what this month means to me.
I always look forward to Pride Month, ever since I got to experience it firsthand the Summer before my freshman year of college. My first Pride was with my ex-girlfriend. We wore matching “Hers” T-Shirts with arrows pointing at each other and participated in the Pride March in Fort Wayne. Holding hands so publicly, engaging in PDA without fear, and just being able to celebrate my queerness was powerful for me. I didn’t want the feeling of empowerment to end.
Fast forward to last year when I heard rumblings of the first Black Pride in Fort Wayne. I searched, Googled, and scrolled through social media to find the details. Once I found the Fort Wayne Black Pride Facebook page and saw the agenda posted, I knew immediately I was going to attend as many events as possible. Black Pride Fest in Kettler Park was incredible! Seeing so many Queer Black and Brown people celebrating together and cherishing a fest just for us brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of all the times I contemplated my existence and if I was wrong for being myself. Black Pride was confirmation that God protected my younger self to make sure I would live to see this day. And I’m so glad I did.
This year, Pride Month of 2024, I hit the ground running. I worked tirelessly on getting materials for my brand, Queer Black Girl Poet, created and shipped for events I had later in the month. I used my voice to combat homophobia and pure ignorance on social media. I shared gay art, poetry, activism, and celebrations all over my stories and social feeds. I was also blessed with a few opportunities to educate Black youth on Queer identity and history in a way that was age-appropriate and comprehensive.
Later in the month, I participated in a poetry reading at Hyde Brothers Booksellers. Giving the audience a taste of my queerness and life journey. Many were moved to tears and felt inspired by my raw honesty. I was just as moved by them listening to my pain and allowing it to transform them.
Next, I set up shop at a local vendors fair, Southside Love Link-Up, to sell my books and promote my budding brand. Many people were glad I was speaking so openly about being a sexual assault survivor and many connections were made. I got the chance to speak to some high school cheerleaders about sexual assault and its effects. Many of them were unaware of sexual assault occurring in Queer spaces as well so I made sure to cover all my bases. I encouraged them to be safe and unashamed if they ever experienced this trauma. Each of them has my contact info and while I hope they are never sexually assaulted or violated, I am thankful they have at least one person they can call for support.
Lastly, later on this afternoon, I will be performing poetry at a Black Pride Brunch. I’ve decided to share some sensual, Queer, and liberating poetry for this event. It’s a variety of poetry that encompasses the complexity of Queer identity. I can’t wait to just celebrate Black queerness in company with other Black and Queer People of Color.
Happy Pride Month to ALL under this lovely Queer umbrella! And remember the celebrating happens all year long, this month is just the highlight ;)
*New poem on the Poems page
2024 Check-In
We’re a quarter of the way through the year already. That’s crazy to think about because I swear I was just celebrating the New Year yesterday, lol. But the few months of this year have been very productive so far. From events to event coordination, from writing new poetry to performing poetry live and in the studio, ya girl has been booked & busy. And there is still so much on the way!
While it’s great to have a busy schedule and a full plate, it’s also important for me to check-in with myself regularly to make sure I don’t get overwhelmed. I’m known for pouring EVERYTHING into other people’s cups and not pouring back into my own. Which is why I’ve gotten serious about my self-care and started journaling in the evening. It keeps me grounded. It gives me a true sense of peace.
Find your own sense of peace this year and work on your own self-care. It’s important!
New poem on the Poems page! :)